Although we've known unofficially for about a week, on Wednesday, it became official. Cabana is career changed. No surprise that it's due to dog distraction.
In some ways, the news came as a relief. For the past year, I've felt a bit like we were trying to push a square peg into a round hole. When I read back through my first posts, I am reminded that Cabana's issues have always been the same, and although we made some progress, they've never gone away.
Now Cabana will be able to do so many of the things she wants so badly to do, but hasn't been allowed to. I'm happy for her about that. But whether she'll be able to do them with US or with someone else--that's the quandary.
Basically, there are 4 options in front of us:
1. Keep Cabana and raise another puppy for Guide Dogs.
2. Keep Cabana and don't raise another puppy for Guide Dogs.
3. Let Guide Dogs find another home for Cabana, and raise another puppy for Guide Dogs.
4. Let Guide Dogs find another home for Cabana, and don't raise another puppy for Guide Dogs (making us dogless).
Option 1 is pretty much out of the question. Celeste, our CFR, said that she would recommend we wait a couple years to raise another puppy, because Cabana would drive the new puppy crazy and we'd end up pulling our hair out.
Some readers may wonder why Option 4 is even on the table--but it is, because sometimes, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a dog owner. I have never felt completely relaxed with Cabana being in our home. Not because of Cabana herself, but because that's just the way I am. My weird baggage. I tend to worry about her, whether I'm doing the right things, whether I'm socializing her enough, whether she's happy or bored. With Cabana at the puppy sitters this weekend, I feel like I sleep better and feel generally more relaxed (although we are still down in Los Angeles on vacation, which may also be a contributing factor).
It's an AGONIZING decision! And I waver minute by minute. We adore Cabana, and we want what's best for her. But we also want to make a decision that we can feel good about for the next 10+ years. My family is pretty much leaving the decision up to me, since it affects me the most. They will be fine with whatever I decide, which I'm grateful for, but which also makes it more difficult for me since I'm so torn.
I THINK (at the moment of writing this) that I have pretty much made my decision. Guide Dogs needs to know by Monday(!), so they can schedule Cabana's spaying (if she doesn't go into season over the weekend). Before I make my decision final, I'd love to get feedback from other raisers who have had to make this decision. I know circumstances will vary for each person and each dog, and no one can make the decision for me. But if you have any advice, or factors that swung you one way or the other--I'd love to hear about them.
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